Im still alive

I bet everyone thought db had died or finally quit.  Nope, not this crazy bastard.  Well I did try and walk away for a few months but thats not me.  I still have a ton of unfinished business on the platform.  I said in a previous blog the last two years have sucked well guess what gang, this year has been even fucking worse.  \

Just a quick synopsis of what has gone down.

January my then gf tells me she has cancer.  This fucks my head up and gets to me in my lifting.

In March I find out she is lying when she gets arrested.  This really hit me hard.  Until now I havent realized how bad this fucked my head up.  I ended things right then.

I bail her out, sorry folks even db gets sympathetic.  Next day I find her half dead from a suicide attempt.  Well then after she gets carted off I find the note, made out to me.

Here is where things get better and worse all at the same time.  I meet a girl the same night.  I fall hard for her because we had a great talk for about 8 hours.  We cant quit talking to each other and agree to date.  Well the ex cleans out my bank account during all this.  I probably did something to warrant this in the previous cosmos.

Im still lifting but my head is fucked up.  I decide in April to hell with it Ill take some time off.  Then in the meantime I have a financial collapse.  I just lost it.  No matter what happened I couldnt get ahead.  I borrowed money to get out of the hole but it put me back in the hole.  I wasnt supplementing while all this was going on so I had some major issues there.  The term Brain Tumor was thrown around allot and the thought of a snack of hot lead kept popping into my head.  Add into it getting hurt moving piddly ass furniture and having surgery.  Yay fuck me.  In the meantime a very awesome individual had mercy on me and basically wrote me a check that kept me from just falling on my face.  Im still broke but I have a chance.  Through all this something was missing though.  I just needed more in my life.

In the meantime because my house freaked me the fuck out I gave it up.  I gave away my dogs because I couldnt take them with me.  Its just been a giant cluster fuck.  I had to sell my monolift to make it through July, I really wish I couldve held on to that thing.  I basically have lost everything this year.  Here I am now and I dont know where Im at in life I just know Im not me.  I finally decided that I would get back to lifting.

So far being back in the gym has been a huge help but Im weak as shit.  I miss how strong I was a year ago.  I looked at my old logs and I was blown away to think of where I was and how I fell from that point.  Now I sit at work fascinated at how mysterious life is.  A year ago shit was rough but damn I would love to be that sound financially again but Im also happy with the people in my life currently.  The one thing though is not being the bad ass crazy bastard I used to be is eating away at me.  I miss it.  Its like a part of me has died.

My plans going forward are to train and just see where life takes me.  I have a showdown with cpap brewing.  I called him out more so for motivation then anything.  Until next time I hope I dont croke.