Well its about the start of a new year. I would love to sit here and say my last two have been the best years in my life but I wont bullshit you because they've been pretty shitty. I've seen a marriage of 5 years end (that's actually not a bad thing), I wont even mention the financial hardships I've had to deal with and just other personal battles that has left me at the end of the day wondering why I even try. At the end of it all though the quest for strength is still something I cant stop chasing. It doesn't matter how shitty my life is at the moment when I'm under the squat bar (it may hurt like a mother fucker) I'm at peace. I have managed a few good things on the platform these last few years but in the end I'm no where near being satisfied with any of the numbers. I did take allot of pride for my total at APF Seniors, it wasn't the numbers I hit (well I was pleased with my 705 deadlift) but allot of people, even some friends, said I couldn't get a squat in. Well here is the last few workouts from the gym and just some thoughts going on while lifting. I want to keep my numbers here but for me my weakness is more mental so I want to track what I was thinking during the workout.
ME BENCH 12-26
I hurt my left pec last week. I was nervous because I have managed to hit some steady prs for almost every workout. I really don't worry about hitting a true max effort lift anymore, I like to hit a pr (even if just 5lbs) and stop no matter how easy it is. I've been doing doubles all the way up and doing a single. Here is how everything played out.
warm ups for me generally feel like shit. I get warm pretty easy so usually after the bar for a few and 1plate for a few sets I can dive right into what I need to do. Today though I wasn't sure. My pec was pulling hard with the bar so I did a a few extra there
bar*10*3
135*3*3
Three boards were the exercise of the night and I really wanted a good solid pr but after 135 I was about to pack it up. I said fuck it Ill take 225 with the boards and feel it out
225*2> shitty but better
315*2> getting better
405*2> now I was thinking well I can maybe do a single with 5 plates and that will be under a pr but I will play it safe
455*2> okay this wasn't god awful and it had some pop on it
After this set Jamison lifted and hit a double with 10lbs over his best single. I yelled something at him to pump him up a bit and it ended up getting my juices going some as well. After his set I went over turned the CD player up a bit and called for 515, 10lbs over my best double.
I set up and this was to only be a single due to me being wounded. Blake asked how many and I said Im doubling it
515*2> smoked
Now I'm feeling it, my shoulder is hurt but I could care less if my entire arm falls off I want a pr, Give me 555 I said
555*1> best one of the night
I had more in me but like I said I wanted to save it for the next go round.
we moved over to do some low pin presses
I worked up to 325*5 but my pec and shoulder were seriously about to blow off here so I stopped.
I did some triceps and biceps work to finish up and called it a day.
12-27 Squats
We have been on a full gear wave with reverse bands dropping the tension down ea week and squatting to pre set chains well below depth. Ive handled 1105 the first week with reverse purples, 1005 the second with reverse monster minis, so tonight was just hit our openers with straight weight and be done.
Warm ups felt ok, my pec was awfully tight from just benching the night before but I thought it would get a little better as things went on. One thing I picked up from Donnie Thompson is on days like this, don't worry about the bar weight but go by plates, and hundreds and handle every thing exactly like you would in the warm up room.
bar*3*2
155*2
265*1
355*1
add briefs
465*1
555*1> hard WTF?
This set here I screwed up and set the bar almost on my head I rode it so high. As soon as I went to squat a rib popped and I did a wonderful good morning. Okay it wasn't wonderful and it rattled my head. Cody, Mr Chiro (his new nickname) popped it back in place.
645*1> a little better, but I wasn't aggressive and didn't attack the weights like I've been doing
add suit
785*1/2 squat at best
This would be my last warm up before I hit my opener, this set felt like shit. I barely moved. Everything felt awful, it felt like 1500lbs on my back. I wouldn't say I was mad but more so hurt, everything went so good the last two weeks now all of the sudden I was doubting if I could squat 800lbs anymore (I had just did 825 in briefs a month ago). All of these thoughts/emotions happened within 5 seconds and Mr Chiro Cody says "You have the bar way to high on your back, I think its pushing your chest forward". After this I wasn't sure what to do but something clicked and I new what was wrong. Should I retake the warm up or go up? Being the kind of guy I am I called for 865, about 10lbs under my opener
865*1 and it was smoked. I thought now that was a squat but at the same time I felt like a cunt for not sticking to 875 and letting myself get in my own head. This brings me back to why I have had so many failures at meets, I get in my own way. At times its best just to not think, for me to do that I often need to over supplement so all I can see is red and just get mad at the world.
I'm really at a cross roads with a few things in life at the moment but the quest for strength is not one of them. I'm really just trying to find my place. I don't care about money, I just need enough to pay my bills and live comfortably, I just want to be happy. Again when I'm under the squat bar I'm happy. Even on nights where everything sucks and I'm doubting myself I could die under the bar and I would be happy going out like that. I don't know where life or my journey will take me but at the moment as long as I'm strong I will get there happy.
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